Nostradamus drew a final breath, his body riddled with gout, and asked for his face to be painted with the Cross of St George. We close in on 500 years since his death, and the prophecy will soon come to pass – he chose England as winners of the European Championships of 2012.

The Mayans, too, foresaw the same result, and as such predicted the world to cave in on itself not too long after John Terry hoists the Henri Delaunay Trophy above his bloated head. There will be those of us who will be hoping for the Apocolypse that will follow the English victory, and many millions more who desire a different outcome. 

Heads on the chopping block, men! Today, we look forward to tomorrow! 

(Bottom line? We give our Euro 2012 predictions. Come back in a month, and we’ll admit to the world that we’re wrong.)